To The Fathers By Nature & The Fathers Of The Heart
I have a picture, simple really-of Rory, napping on the couch, curled up with Eric, snuggled into him, that I took the winter before Gabby was born. They are both at ease, comfortable and it is a charming picture. I remember when I brought the pictures home from the store, Eric saw that and must have stared at it for about 10 minutes straight. When I asked him why, he said "I'm going to be a Father"-I then pointed out something that to me, was even more obvious "Eric-you already are a Father".
DNA can dictate some people become a parent. Sometimes that DNA lottery is golden-like Gabby-Eric was her father, and he lived, quite literally, for her. He had gone from being considered by friends and family alike as the permanent bachelor to a father of 2 with one on the way in a short period of time. He took on this daunting task with an enthusiasm I cannot even begin to describe. He always said he didn't just fall in love with me, he fell in love with my children.
So what makes a father? DNA? Sperm fertilizing an egg? I suppose on a scientific level, this is true enough, but to be a father, a true father-is so much more.
Orion was 3 and 1/2 when he met Eric, Rory was 2 and 1/2. When we were in Boston, it was the 3 of us, we were inseparable, close, protected and loved each other. I remember burning my finger one time while I was cooking-Rory-then 2 and Orion, then 3 comforted me, with Orion running to the fridge to get an ice pack. I was concerned on how they would take to Eric. However what I never realized was that despite our clan like existence, the children missed that father figure. That missing link is what brought me back to Norwalk to begin with-my father had offered to step up and be a role model for the children. Within a short time of being back, Eric and I reacquainted and within a few months we had our little motley crue family. They welcomed him, open arms. That missing link was no more and the comfort level was peaceful. It was a lovely, fairly low stress existence. Money was tight but for the time Eric was doing well, we had Gabby on the way and she was born in wonderful health-a replica of her beloved daddy. Until I started working regularly again, we never spent a moment apart and it was a fun time.
The dark time followed and the scars created from that still exist. I can't get too specific, but let's leave it at the DNA father was so incensed at HIS children choosing to call this other man "Papa"-by their own creation and choice, he wanted to break us apart. He never truly succeeded in doing that, however he did manage to make the final 2 years of Eric's life hell, and utilized the children to do this.
When Eric died, Orion put it best "Daddy is my biological father, Papa is my father in my heart"-articulating this in such a way at 8 years old-a man who he only had in his life for 4 and 1/2 years held a place in his heart that no manner of lectures or punishments could remove.
I remember being concerned about the children meeting Mark. Gabby met him first-their first meeting involved Gabby supervising Mark hanging Christmas lights. She was happy and managed to, on her own make this distinction in her mind-Daddy was her Angel, Mark was her, well Mark. Watching the two of them develop this adorable father figure and daughter relationship has been a lesson in humans and their emotional needs. This year Gabby created a heart shaped paper weight that simply said "I Love You, Happy Marky's Day". She made something similar for her to put on her daddy's grave. Their relationship is proof that a father figure doesn't necessarily replace a daddy-just creates a special and unique bond on it's own.
Orion and Rory immediately took to Mark. He has always been firm with them, letting them know day one he would not tolerate disrespect, however he can always be counted on to get extensions on bedtime, provide fireworks and more importantly, he listens to them offering his advice and guiding them. My favorite picture of Mark and Orion was from last year, when the Orion and Aurora made their First Communion, Orion insisted on wearing one of Eric's former ties-and the picture is of Mark showing Orion how to tie it. That picture pretty much describes their relationship-Orion looks to Mark for opinions, advice and approval that he doesn't feel comfortable approaching his father with. Aurora-the running joke is that she is Mark's "favorite"-this is because out of all 3 kids she listens the best. She also confides in him like she does with me. So our crazy Brady-Level family exists, Hallmark has no holiday for who we are, however we are pretty happy, so that is the most important thing.
What makes a father? DNA? Love? Respect? I think like Orion feels, Eric is his father of his heart, someone who he has good memories of. Gabby has limited memories of Eric-made stronger by all of us encouraging her to remember details, telling her stories etc. Eric remains in our memories, loving him and missing him, and Mark is here, being the best father he can be to 3 children who love him more than even he knows.
Happy Father's Day-to the fathers who became daddies by nature and human emotion, to the fathers who became fathers in the hearts of their stepchildren or the like, the ones who dry the tears, provide the healing hugs, who remind the children to respect mommy, who knows the difference between the fake tears and the true ones and who have open ears and willing hearts to take on a job that will be the basis of how their children will rate and have expectations of men from and who always succeed in convincing mommy that 15 minutes more of awake time is perfectly acceptable.
Happy Father's day to my own father, who had to wait 30 years to get a little boy to enjoy since nature dictated he'd get 3 girls-and who made sure I knew how to drive in reverse before driving forward, who quietly reminded me moments before marrying my first husband that I didn't have to go through with it if I didn't want to and we could leave right there and then (we didn't but the support was there), who beamed when holding his first grandchild and who received his nickname when Orion, at 8 months old, attempted to leap from the bathtub into his arms, soaking wet crying out joyfully at the sight of him "POP POP!". To the man who called me Boss Tina and took me everywhere to his A/C jobs so I could pet the dogs that lived there and who would catch me watching the snow fall at 2AM and invite me to go plowing with him in the darkness of snowy dawns in our Connecticut winters.
They do deserve more than one day to honor them and I am lucky enough that I have mine here to spoil with steak tomorrow. Now, go and hug the special daddy in your life and have a lovely day.
I have a picture, simple really-of Rory, napping on the couch, curled up with Eric, snuggled into him, that I took the winter before Gabby was born. They are both at ease, comfortable and it is a charming picture. I remember when I brought the pictures home from the store, Eric saw that and must have stared at it for about 10 minutes straight. When I asked him why, he said "I'm going to be a Father"-I then pointed out something that to me, was even more obvious "Eric-you already are a Father".
DNA can dictate some people become a parent. Sometimes that DNA lottery is golden-like Gabby-Eric was her father, and he lived, quite literally, for her. He had gone from being considered by friends and family alike as the permanent bachelor to a father of 2 with one on the way in a short period of time. He took on this daunting task with an enthusiasm I cannot even begin to describe. He always said he didn't just fall in love with me, he fell in love with my children.
So what makes a father? DNA? Sperm fertilizing an egg? I suppose on a scientific level, this is true enough, but to be a father, a true father-is so much more.
Orion was 3 and 1/2 when he met Eric, Rory was 2 and 1/2. When we were in Boston, it was the 3 of us, we were inseparable, close, protected and loved each other. I remember burning my finger one time while I was cooking-Rory-then 2 and Orion, then 3 comforted me, with Orion running to the fridge to get an ice pack. I was concerned on how they would take to Eric. However what I never realized was that despite our clan like existence, the children missed that father figure. That missing link is what brought me back to Norwalk to begin with-my father had offered to step up and be a role model for the children. Within a short time of being back, Eric and I reacquainted and within a few months we had our little motley crue family. They welcomed him, open arms. That missing link was no more and the comfort level was peaceful. It was a lovely, fairly low stress existence. Money was tight but for the time Eric was doing well, we had Gabby on the way and she was born in wonderful health-a replica of her beloved daddy. Until I started working regularly again, we never spent a moment apart and it was a fun time.
The dark time followed and the scars created from that still exist. I can't get too specific, but let's leave it at the DNA father was so incensed at HIS children choosing to call this other man "Papa"-by their own creation and choice, he wanted to break us apart. He never truly succeeded in doing that, however he did manage to make the final 2 years of Eric's life hell, and utilized the children to do this.
When Eric died, Orion put it best "Daddy is my biological father, Papa is my father in my heart"-articulating this in such a way at 8 years old-a man who he only had in his life for 4 and 1/2 years held a place in his heart that no manner of lectures or punishments could remove.
I remember being concerned about the children meeting Mark. Gabby met him first-their first meeting involved Gabby supervising Mark hanging Christmas lights. She was happy and managed to, on her own make this distinction in her mind-Daddy was her Angel, Mark was her, well Mark. Watching the two of them develop this adorable father figure and daughter relationship has been a lesson in humans and their emotional needs. This year Gabby created a heart shaped paper weight that simply said "I Love You, Happy Marky's Day". She made something similar for her to put on her daddy's grave. Their relationship is proof that a father figure doesn't necessarily replace a daddy-just creates a special and unique bond on it's own.
Orion and Rory immediately took to Mark. He has always been firm with them, letting them know day one he would not tolerate disrespect, however he can always be counted on to get extensions on bedtime, provide fireworks and more importantly, he listens to them offering his advice and guiding them. My favorite picture of Mark and Orion was from last year, when the Orion and Aurora made their First Communion, Orion insisted on wearing one of Eric's former ties-and the picture is of Mark showing Orion how to tie it. That picture pretty much describes their relationship-Orion looks to Mark for opinions, advice and approval that he doesn't feel comfortable approaching his father with. Aurora-the running joke is that she is Mark's "favorite"-this is because out of all 3 kids she listens the best. She also confides in him like she does with me. So our crazy Brady-Level family exists, Hallmark has no holiday for who we are, however we are pretty happy, so that is the most important thing.
What makes a father? DNA? Love? Respect? I think like Orion feels, Eric is his father of his heart, someone who he has good memories of. Gabby has limited memories of Eric-made stronger by all of us encouraging her to remember details, telling her stories etc. Eric remains in our memories, loving him and missing him, and Mark is here, being the best father he can be to 3 children who love him more than even he knows.
Happy Father's Day-to the fathers who became daddies by nature and human emotion, to the fathers who became fathers in the hearts of their stepchildren or the like, the ones who dry the tears, provide the healing hugs, who remind the children to respect mommy, who knows the difference between the fake tears and the true ones and who have open ears and willing hearts to take on a job that will be the basis of how their children will rate and have expectations of men from and who always succeed in convincing mommy that 15 minutes more of awake time is perfectly acceptable.
Happy Father's day to my own father, who had to wait 30 years to get a little boy to enjoy since nature dictated he'd get 3 girls-and who made sure I knew how to drive in reverse before driving forward, who quietly reminded me moments before marrying my first husband that I didn't have to go through with it if I didn't want to and we could leave right there and then (we didn't but the support was there), who beamed when holding his first grandchild and who received his nickname when Orion, at 8 months old, attempted to leap from the bathtub into his arms, soaking wet crying out joyfully at the sight of him "POP POP!". To the man who called me Boss Tina and took me everywhere to his A/C jobs so I could pet the dogs that lived there and who would catch me watching the snow fall at 2AM and invite me to go plowing with him in the darkness of snowy dawns in our Connecticut winters.
They do deserve more than one day to honor them and I am lucky enough that I have mine here to spoil with steak tomorrow. Now, go and hug the special daddy in your life and have a lovely day.
Labels: father, father's day, holiday, parenting, stepfather
posted by Chris @ 8:38 PM
1 Comments:
At 4:52 AM ,
Carol Hiller said...
Very dear - you and your children have been so blessed... and so have their dads :)
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