Off My Usual Subject For A Moment
Those who don't know me in the real world or aren't friended with me on FB may not know this, however I was married twice before my current husband. The first marriage isn't worth wasting the cyber space on, besides he's a lawyer and he'd be whiney bitch and try to sue me if I mention him in my blog. My second marriage was actually very nice, we got along very well-sure we had some quibbles here and there but for the most part we were a great match. So of course, he died on me.
Mind you I had some foresight to this-he was a heart transplant survivor, so truth be told I knew I would outlive him, however in my ever so painfully optimistic way-I figured that would happen when we were in our 50-60's. Instead he never saw his 36th birthday, and at 32 years old I was a Widow. This isn't as tragic as one may think however-we have a daughter-Gabrielle-who is like her father in every way except two-she's a girl....and she has my heart.
Recently our group of friends lost one of our own, in the saddest way. Although I had some smattering interactions with this person throughout the years-we IM'd and wrote on FB because of a mutual topic of interest-Thor. Eric-whose lineage ranged from Swedish, German and Nordic based origins-was fascinated with Thor and felt a kinship with this Norse God. He knew his stuff too. My older two children aren't afraid of Thunder/Lightening storms because Eric used to tell them it was Thor. Even the night Eric died-there hadn't been rain in a few weeks. I remember seeing the reflections in the glass of his room while my head was on his chest, listening as his heart slowed down-there was a lightening storm. When we walked outside, the group of us-me, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, her husband, brother-in-law and my nephew-I remember hearing the crickets and seeing the puddles all over. I asked the valet parking attendent if there had been a storm and he said yes, it just happened out of nowhere...and stopped as quickly as it began. I found comfort in this because I knew it was connected-no rain for weeks and now this?
Whenever there are storms I find myself more comforted than afraid. A particularly cute moment was Orion and Rory-calming Gabrielle down during a storm, explaining how her father felt an affinity for Thor and it was okay and her peeking out the window to watch it. I woke up this morning to the rumble of Thunder and it made me feel calm. This evening is the wake of our friend, who-like Eric-felt an affinity with Thor and I have to believe that the thunderstorm we all woke up to this morning is a sign he will be okay. We take comfort in the strangest of things at time, but this is the best way to live. We have to look for the positive, if we don't-then we doom ourselves to a life of negativity and harden ourselves to the point of feeling nothing.
Whether it is Heaven or Valhalla-may peace be found for those who have left us and hope their happiness lay in the next world.
Those who don't know me in the real world or aren't friended with me on FB may not know this, however I was married twice before my current husband. The first marriage isn't worth wasting the cyber space on, besides he's a lawyer and he'd be whiney bitch and try to sue me if I mention him in my blog. My second marriage was actually very nice, we got along very well-sure we had some quibbles here and there but for the most part we were a great match. So of course, he died on me.
Mind you I had some foresight to this-he was a heart transplant survivor, so truth be told I knew I would outlive him, however in my ever so painfully optimistic way-I figured that would happen when we were in our 50-60's. Instead he never saw his 36th birthday, and at 32 years old I was a Widow. This isn't as tragic as one may think however-we have a daughter-Gabrielle-who is like her father in every way except two-she's a girl....and she has my heart.
Recently our group of friends lost one of our own, in the saddest way. Although I had some smattering interactions with this person throughout the years-we IM'd and wrote on FB because of a mutual topic of interest-Thor. Eric-whose lineage ranged from Swedish, German and Nordic based origins-was fascinated with Thor and felt a kinship with this Norse God. He knew his stuff too. My older two children aren't afraid of Thunder/Lightening storms because Eric used to tell them it was Thor. Even the night Eric died-there hadn't been rain in a few weeks. I remember seeing the reflections in the glass of his room while my head was on his chest, listening as his heart slowed down-there was a lightening storm. When we walked outside, the group of us-me, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, her husband, brother-in-law and my nephew-I remember hearing the crickets and seeing the puddles all over. I asked the valet parking attendent if there had been a storm and he said yes, it just happened out of nowhere...and stopped as quickly as it began. I found comfort in this because I knew it was connected-no rain for weeks and now this?
Whenever there are storms I find myself more comforted than afraid. A particularly cute moment was Orion and Rory-calming Gabrielle down during a storm, explaining how her father felt an affinity for Thor and it was okay and her peeking out the window to watch it. I woke up this morning to the rumble of Thunder and it made me feel calm. This evening is the wake of our friend, who-like Eric-felt an affinity with Thor and I have to believe that the thunderstorm we all woke up to this morning is a sign he will be okay. We take comfort in the strangest of things at time, but this is the best way to live. We have to look for the positive, if we don't-then we doom ourselves to a life of negativity and harden ourselves to the point of feeling nothing.
Whether it is Heaven or Valhalla-may peace be found for those who have left us and hope their happiness lay in the next world.
posted by Chris @ 8:28 AM
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