The Depression Of Compression

Chronic Pain, as discussed in my previous post, is a very misunderstood subject. Unless a person is experiencing it, they don't 100% get it. I probably have one of the most empathetic doctors known in the pain world of Fairfield County, she doesn't push surgery and tries her best to treat pain, while also making sure you aren't going to end up a doper. This may seem easy to the average bear, but I know for a fact my doctor is in her office at 7AM-answering e-mails from her various patients, not leaving until 6PM and once a week she even stays for the Chronic Pain group she designed to help her patients by having them know other patients. She goes away to conferences to figure out ways to help her patients, attends lectures and give lectures on varis pain issues. In addition she makes sure her patients aren't running around getting high. That is a LOT of work. She is probably the only doctor I have known since my pediatrician who truly is into her work.

Part of dealing with pain however, is depression. I'm not saying all pain patients are sitting around crying our eyes out and beating our heads against the wall agonizing over our limitations. However there are a lot of downers associated with being in constant pain.

To start-you cannot do all the things you used to be able to do. Prior to my back injury I used to climb trees, buildings, rocks-I could leap mid-walk and land on a stone wall. I could do cartwheels, handstands-although I never could power through for backflips, I was always hoping I could gear up for it. I did this great trick where I could wrap my leg behind my neck and stand straight-Aurora has inherited my flexibility so I smile when I see her do this. I could play with my kids, hell I could LIFT my kids. I could run and I could walk sans a cane-I walked EVERYWHERE, loved it. And now I can't. Although this doesn't weigh on me every single moment of the day, there are moments when I am painfully reminded of it. That can make me sad-I rebound quickly over it-but I do get sad.

I am apparently lucky, because a large portion of pain patients are not only in Chronic Pain, but Chronic Depression as a side-effect. When I was able to attend the Chronic Pain Group I really found out how dire this was. One woman who is suffering from hip and back pain was telling our group how she coped with her depression by buying stuff online-she was a hoarder. She lived with her parents and brought pictures of her bedroom-blew my mind. However that was how she coped with her depression.

Human beings are rather independent creatures-when we are denied the ability to do things on our own-it bugs the shit out of us. Last year when I was still employed I helped one of the secretaries of our department with some tasks due to her physical limitations after she shattered her elbow at a show. She knew I understood pain, limitations etc and when she finally returned and thanked me for all my help we had a conversation where I asked how her elbow was coming along and she had the most joyous look over the fact she could now put on her own earrings. Anyone who mutters "oh CRAP!" because they dropped their keys and can't pick them up understands this. I have become Cane-Dexterous-I use my cane to pick stuff up because I am THAT stubborn.

Then their is medication-this is a whole other situation. Most pain medications, when first taken can give a euphoria-eventually that wears off. When it does sometimes patients get depressed. Or if they run low on medication or if they have somehow ended up in a situation where they can't take it-example-stomach flu, left them home when you boarded a plane, things like this-you go through withdrawl. Withdrawl is not fun.

Back when I was simply taking 3 Percocet 5mg a day for pain, my late-husband would sometimes take some-his doctor was in New Haven, and he would give them back when he got his prescription. However-what ended up happening was I didn't realize what taking this medication meant on a dedication level at the time. So I simply assumed I was prone to the stomach flu as I got severe cramps, fevers, sweating and other gastrointestinal moments of joy. Since I was commutting to NYC-again, I assumed I was being exposed to germs on my commute and that was what got me sick. I know now that when I ran out of medication-not only was I in pain (in tenfold mind you, throwing up strains your muscles)-I was going through withdrawl. After realizing this I made sure to never have it happen if I could avoid it. I suffer from CVS on occasion-Chronic Vomiting Syndrome-a nervous condition where when one stresses out they throw up for almost no reason. Sometimes I throw up my medication and end up running low-that's happened a couple of times and boy does it suck.

So withdrawl also makes someone short tempered-think about it-you're in pain when used to having it being treated, and your body is seeking the substance since the endorphins are thrown off. You get headaches and in extreme cases people can experience cardiac episodes from the stress. Scary stuff. So sometimes when you think about your medication and are imagining a ball and chain attached to it, you get down.

Then there is also people who were already prone to suffering depression-pain makes it worse. It is not uncommon to have an anti-depressent prescribed to patients while on pain medication. I have been fortunate to avoid that, but it is a scary thought.

Pain isn't just an ache or annoyance, it's more than something that can slow you down. It affects more than just the person experiencing it. Depression can affect those around you, so if you find yourself having short temper, little patience or depressive responses, you need to address it. I know in my life my kids won't be kids forever and I don't want their childhood scarred by memories of mean mommy because she was hurting. Verse yourself and know the signs.

And know you are not alone.