On The Dearly Departed
This time of year always has me caught in random sad moments. I lost my Grandfather July 27, 2004, I lost Eric August 5th, 2005 and now we have lost Mark's Gramma-Philomena on July 16th, 2011. As I had lost all my Grandparents, Philomena, or Phyllis as she preferred simply became "Gramma" to me as well. She reminded me a LOT of my maternal Grandmother, with whom I was so very close to-down to her deep faith, love of Bingo/Casinos and constant offers to feed me-but outshining all of that, what Phyllis had in common with my own, late Gramma, Mary-was her capacity to love.
Last year about this time I spent a lot of time at her home, where Lou had gone after being diagnosed with Cancer. Since I was recently unemployed, and Mark and his brothers had drained all thier time off by then, I offered to help bring Lou to appointments, errands, etc. I never viewed this as a burden, contrary I enjoyed spending the time with Lou, learning all about my new family, how they used to be and his concern for his mother. If he wanted a sandwich and requested one, it made her day because she was able to show how much she cared, so walker and all she would move about the kitchen, relishing making a sandwich.
She loved her children,grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren proudly. She loved taking care of them, cooking-even when it was too much for her, she insisted. I made the error of attempting to pass her something to make it easier for her and she scolded me "I can do it myself". She had such a value on her independence, so when she lost a great deal of it, I felt helpless because I couldn't change that-none of us could.
When we went to visit her, she smiled once she recognized who Mark and I were. Gabby waved from the door and her smile grew larger. She loved the kids. Her great grandchildren, both immediate (born of her grandchildren) and acquired (her grandchildren's step-children). Of course her capacity to love was matched only by her absolution and independence-she spoke her mind and had no qualms about it.
She slipped away, peacefully in the early hours of the morning. I admire her insistance that there be no wake, but rather a simple service, attended to and by her family. She told me once she didn't want a room full of people mourning her for hours on end, just to go through a funeral the following day. I know she's in a better place, back with the ones who went before her and is free of pain. I'll miss her, no doubt there, but recognizing she lived a full life and was at peace with the fact she was going to die-all we can do is remember-a person's worth is definitely measured in how people react to when they leave this earth-when nothing bad could be said about you and one is remembered always, that is a sign of someone who was worthy of more than this earth could offer, and as one who does believe in God, I know in my heart when she opened her eyes, she saw her loved ones and was immediately at peace. I just hope Heaven has Bingo.
This time of year always has me caught in random sad moments. I lost my Grandfather July 27, 2004, I lost Eric August 5th, 2005 and now we have lost Mark's Gramma-Philomena on July 16th, 2011. As I had lost all my Grandparents, Philomena, or Phyllis as she preferred simply became "Gramma" to me as well. She reminded me a LOT of my maternal Grandmother, with whom I was so very close to-down to her deep faith, love of Bingo/Casinos and constant offers to feed me-but outshining all of that, what Phyllis had in common with my own, late Gramma, Mary-was her capacity to love.
Last year about this time I spent a lot of time at her home, where Lou had gone after being diagnosed with Cancer. Since I was recently unemployed, and Mark and his brothers had drained all thier time off by then, I offered to help bring Lou to appointments, errands, etc. I never viewed this as a burden, contrary I enjoyed spending the time with Lou, learning all about my new family, how they used to be and his concern for his mother. If he wanted a sandwich and requested one, it made her day because she was able to show how much she cared, so walker and all she would move about the kitchen, relishing making a sandwich.
She loved her children,grandchildren, and her great-grandchildren proudly. She loved taking care of them, cooking-even when it was too much for her, she insisted. I made the error of attempting to pass her something to make it easier for her and she scolded me "I can do it myself". She had such a value on her independence, so when she lost a great deal of it, I felt helpless because I couldn't change that-none of us could.
When we went to visit her, she smiled once she recognized who Mark and I were. Gabby waved from the door and her smile grew larger. She loved the kids. Her great grandchildren, both immediate (born of her grandchildren) and acquired (her grandchildren's step-children). Of course her capacity to love was matched only by her absolution and independence-she spoke her mind and had no qualms about it.
She slipped away, peacefully in the early hours of the morning. I admire her insistance that there be no wake, but rather a simple service, attended to and by her family. She told me once she didn't want a room full of people mourning her for hours on end, just to go through a funeral the following day. I know she's in a better place, back with the ones who went before her and is free of pain. I'll miss her, no doubt there, but recognizing she lived a full life and was at peace with the fact she was going to die-all we can do is remember-a person's worth is definitely measured in how people react to when they leave this earth-when nothing bad could be said about you and one is remembered always, that is a sign of someone who was worthy of more than this earth could offer, and as one who does believe in God, I know in my heart when she opened her eyes, she saw her loved ones and was immediately at peace. I just hope Heaven has Bingo.
posted by Chris @ 3:30 PM
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