The Depression Of Compression

Chronic Pain, as discussed in my previous post, is a very misunderstood subject. Unless a person is experiencing it, they don't 100% get it. I probably have one of the most empathetic doctors known in the pain world of Fairfield County, she doesn't push surgery and tries her best to treat pain, while also making sure you aren't going to end up a doper. This may seem easy to the average bear, but I know for a fact my doctor is in her office at 7AM-answering e-mails from her various patients, not leaving until 6PM and once a week she even stays for the Chronic Pain group she designed to help her patients by having them know other patients. She goes away to conferences to figure out ways to help her patients, attends lectures and give lectures on varis pain issues. In addition she makes sure her patients aren't running around getting high. That is a LOT of work. She is probably the only doctor I have known since my pediatrician who truly is into her work.

Part of dealing with pain however, is depression. I'm not saying all pain patients are sitting around crying our eyes out and beating our heads against the wall agonizing over our limitations. However there are a lot of downers associated with being in constant pain.

To start-you cannot do all the things you used to be able to do. Prior to my back injury I used to climb trees, buildings, rocks-I could leap mid-walk and land on a stone wall. I could do cartwheels, handstands-although I never could power through for backflips, I was always hoping I could gear up for it. I did this great trick where I could wrap my leg behind my neck and stand straight-Aurora has inherited my flexibility so I smile when I see her do this. I could play with my kids, hell I could LIFT my kids. I could run and I could walk sans a cane-I walked EVERYWHERE, loved it. And now I can't. Although this doesn't weigh on me every single moment of the day, there are moments when I am painfully reminded of it. That can make me sad-I rebound quickly over it-but I do get sad.

I am apparently lucky, because a large portion of pain patients are not only in Chronic Pain, but Chronic Depression as a side-effect. When I was able to attend the Chronic Pain Group I really found out how dire this was. One woman who is suffering from hip and back pain was telling our group how she coped with her depression by buying stuff online-she was a hoarder. She lived with her parents and brought pictures of her bedroom-blew my mind. However that was how she coped with her depression.

Human beings are rather independent creatures-when we are denied the ability to do things on our own-it bugs the shit out of us. Last year when I was still employed I helped one of the secretaries of our department with some tasks due to her physical limitations after she shattered her elbow at a show. She knew I understood pain, limitations etc and when she finally returned and thanked me for all my help we had a conversation where I asked how her elbow was coming along and she had the most joyous look over the fact she could now put on her own earrings. Anyone who mutters "oh CRAP!" because they dropped their keys and can't pick them up understands this. I have become Cane-Dexterous-I use my cane to pick stuff up because I am THAT stubborn.

Then their is medication-this is a whole other situation. Most pain medications, when first taken can give a euphoria-eventually that wears off. When it does sometimes patients get depressed. Or if they run low on medication or if they have somehow ended up in a situation where they can't take it-example-stomach flu, left them home when you boarded a plane, things like this-you go through withdrawl. Withdrawl is not fun.

Back when I was simply taking 3 Percocet 5mg a day for pain, my late-husband would sometimes take some-his doctor was in New Haven, and he would give them back when he got his prescription. However-what ended up happening was I didn't realize what taking this medication meant on a dedication level at the time. So I simply assumed I was prone to the stomach flu as I got severe cramps, fevers, sweating and other gastrointestinal moments of joy. Since I was commutting to NYC-again, I assumed I was being exposed to germs on my commute and that was what got me sick. I know now that when I ran out of medication-not only was I in pain (in tenfold mind you, throwing up strains your muscles)-I was going through withdrawl. After realizing this I made sure to never have it happen if I could avoid it. I suffer from CVS on occasion-Chronic Vomiting Syndrome-a nervous condition where when one stresses out they throw up for almost no reason. Sometimes I throw up my medication and end up running low-that's happened a couple of times and boy does it suck.

So withdrawl also makes someone short tempered-think about it-you're in pain when used to having it being treated, and your body is seeking the substance since the endorphins are thrown off. You get headaches and in extreme cases people can experience cardiac episodes from the stress. Scary stuff. So sometimes when you think about your medication and are imagining a ball and chain attached to it, you get down.

Then there is also people who were already prone to suffering depression-pain makes it worse. It is not uncommon to have an anti-depressent prescribed to patients while on pain medication. I have been fortunate to avoid that, but it is a scary thought.

Pain isn't just an ache or annoyance, it's more than something that can slow you down. It affects more than just the person experiencing it. Depression can affect those around you, so if you find yourself having short temper, little patience or depressive responses, you need to address it. I know in my life my kids won't be kids forever and I don't want their childhood scarred by memories of mean mommy because she was hurting. Verse yourself and know the signs.

And know you are not alone.

What A PAIN!!!

As someone who lives with Chronic Pain, it annoys the crap out of me when someone like the genuis below writes a book about "pain management patients abusing medication"

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/06/23/zeller.oxycodone.heroin/index.html?hpt=hp_c2&is_LR=1



The term Asshat comes to mind, but I will try to refrain from name calling (ASSHAT!). To start-for the record if you read the article, she starts by describing witnessing a drug deal for "30mg" Roxicodone-mentioning a pile of GREEN pills. Well she should get her eyes checked or fire her fact checker, because last *I* knew-Green Roxicodone are, in fact 15mg. Why is this such a glaring error to me? For one, it was one amongst the series of mistakes Ms. van Zeller also misquotes statistics, has been largely misinformed on street names of medications (which I suspected, did a quick google and discovered on my own), is more into dramatic recreations of her daring venture into discovering the "truth" behind her version of "addiction" that she ignores a lot of important stuff. For example, Oxycodone is a fast acting medication that enters your system and leaves quickly-Oxycontin is absorbed into your bloodstream and releases increments over a period of time-think little mini capsules floating around your blood releasing meds.

She for one neglects to mention that at the time she wrote the book, in response to the numerous issues surrounding Oxycontin (the long acting version of Oxycodone-lasts 12 hours in your system when taken properly) they reformulated the drug which rendered it still effective when taken properly, but made it virtually impossible to abuse short of taking more than prescribed.

She waxes on about the DEA and their "war" on precription drugs. If the DEA paid attention to the doctors prescribing the medication and made sure the doctors were following the rules, trust me, this war would be easier. The only thing she marginally got correct were the "Pill Mills" doctors in Florida-however even now that is being dealt with.

I have been in pain management for 8 years, I have been on Oxycontin for 3 of those years without issue. I haven't gone cruising the dark streets of Fairfield County hoping to score Heroin to relieve my withdrawl. I haven't sold my kids, my body or pawned all that was sacred to score something. This is due to the fact that I have a good, solid doctor who rather than rush me in and out, listens to me, does the appropriate tests and knows the causes of my pain and therefore the proper means to treat it.

The book vilifies pain management doctors as drug pushers, who have agendas and are in with the drug companies to help make money, money, money. Look, Purdue is not angelic by any means, I assume they love profits more than any other company-but they are also willing to have a program to cover their medication 100%-delivered to your door if it works for you and you can't afford it. But they are getting you addicted for a profit. Okay, whatever.

The truth is, unless you have lived with pain-you won't get it. This woman's book takes every negative stereotype and very little fact in it's writing-the article alone has at least 6 instances of misinformation. So where does that leave us-the people who truly have pain?

Ever see "The Shawshank Redemption"? A proverbial version of Andy versus The Sisters.

We get a stygma attached to us, people assume we're sneaking around finding more ways to "get high" which-by the way-when you use long acting medication for awhile, you DON'T get that euphoria anymore. But you DO get pain control. If you're seeking an increase for the high-you've got problems, if you're trying to chase the pain away instead of chasing the dragon-hopefully your doctor knows the difference.

If I was a Cardiac patient and had to take medication to make my heart work properly one wouldn't blink an eye. But having a cane (which I can tell some people seem to think is for no reason) and taking pain medication labels me. And people like the award winning Mariana van Zeller are pasting them on us, daily.

The Blood Of The Dragon Rises From The Pyre

If you follow my FB page you will learn I love "Game Of Thrones"-and whereas I find the series to be very enjoyable, I am particularly taken with Dany-The Khalissie of the Drothaki Tribe. And by taken I mean outside of my total girl crush, I loved the way they wrote her character to grow while ensuring her heart remained in the same the place-she shows compassion towards the slaves, she has risked a great deal to relieve suffering from some of the pillaging. Oh and she's fireproof. Seriously.

When I first saw her, I saw her potential-the wide violet eyes, the slender, innocent delicate build-a virginal woman who lived in fear of her brother who often referred to himself as "The Dragon". Drogo, "bought" Dany as his wife-but in a twist of fate, Visarys discovered that rather than finding himself with a proper army-as promised-his sister became loved by the Dothraaki's fearless leader-that wasn't supposed to happen. Dany in turn took the respectful way of learning her new people's way, earning loyalty from her inner circle of attendents by showing kindness towards them-and they were so grateful they never viewed it as a weakness. Her husband-a man she originally was terrified of proved instead to be a man who considered her as an equal, offering her the ability to have a say in things-lovingly calling her his "Moon". Some Dothraki shunned this, others embraced it.

SPOILERS-so if you haven't seen the season finale, don't say I didn't warn you. So there.

Dany makes a deal with a witch she saved. This witch-instead of returning the compassion shown by Dany instead tricks her into "saving" Drogo's life, rendering Dany's "Sun and Stars" a body that lived and breathed, but had no spirit-at the cost of her unborn's son life-a son who had been foretold to "mount the world" and unite all the lands. Taking responsibility, Dany ends her beloved's cursed existence, ties the witch responsible to the funeral pyre and lays the 3 dragon eggs she had recieved for her wedding to Drogo into his pyre. Then-the once shy girl whose brother slapped her around and treated her like a piece of cattle-boldly WALKS INTO THE PYRE-after freeing the slaves, promising protection and rewards for those who stayed. Some left. Others stayed, including her innder circle. Not sure if this was loyalty of plain curiousity-however those who stayed got a vision of a lifetime-turns out Dany has been "The Dragon" all along-she noted when Drogo "crowned" her brother with molten gold that "he was no Dragon. Fire cannot kill a dragon"-we also saw while she was holding one of the dragon eggs in a fire her concerned servent went to remove it and was burned while Dany was not. Her companion and protecter-a loner referred to as "the Traitor" kneels upon what he sees-Dany, slowly rising from the ashes with 3 dragons loyally clinging to her naked, soot covered body. The remaining Dothraki realize at that moment who they are dealing with and immediately kneel. Dany is the key to ending the madness. It was one of those great moments in TV that one doesn't see often. And very much worth it.

Meanwhile in Kings Landing-Sorsa learns that aside from being a whiney, snitty bitch, Goffrey is also a serious pyschopath. Even his mother notes the madness of his decision to behead her father. You beheaded her father and yet still point out you get to marry her and oh you plan on having babies with her as soon as she "bleeds" (gets her period). Just try and look over the whole I am planning on annihilating your family and the fact he promised to never be cruel to her. I do know from the books that eventually Jofferey marries Sorsa off to Tyrion-almost as a cruel act. He figured marrying her off to his dwarf Uncle would be a cruel joke. Of course he forgets his Uncle is probably the ONLY likeable Lannister. Tyrion is my second favorite character next to my girl Dany. He is smarter than people realize and the moment that Tywin admits as much to Tyrion, you see him react in a mixed way. Tyrion can be a dick, but he IS a good guy. My understanding is when Sorsa is forced to marry him, he is very kind to her and insists on NOT consumating the marriage, making sure she knows he'll protect her. He bonds with John Snow-Ned's bastard son and even goes out of his way to design a riding saddle for Bron-as he has a "soft spot for bastard, cripples and broken things".

I await the things that are to come. Of course I have to wait 6 months! Nurse Jackie ends tonight which leaves me pining for Boardwalk Empire-which will hopefully pass time until my precious Shameless and Nurse Jackie return!

Off My Usual Subject For A Moment

Those who don't know me in the real world or aren't friended with me on FB may not know this, however I was married twice before my current husband. The first marriage isn't worth wasting the cyber space on, besides he's a lawyer and he'd be whiney bitch and try to sue me if I mention him in my blog. My second marriage was actually very nice, we got along very well-sure we had some quibbles here and there but for the most part we were a great match. So of course, he died on me.

Mind you I had some foresight to this-he was a heart transplant survivor, so truth be told I knew I would outlive him, however in my ever so painfully optimistic way-I figured that would happen when we were in our 50-60's. Instead he never saw his 36th birthday, and at 32 years old I was a Widow. This isn't as tragic as one may think however-we have a daughter-Gabrielle-who is like her father in every way except two-she's a girl....and she has my heart.

Recently our group of friends lost one of our own, in the saddest way. Although I had some smattering interactions with this person throughout the years-we IM'd and wrote on FB because of a mutual topic of interest-Thor. Eric-whose lineage ranged from Swedish, German and Nordic based origins-was fascinated with Thor and felt a kinship with this Norse God. He knew his stuff too. My older two children aren't afraid of Thunder/Lightening storms because Eric used to tell them it was Thor. Even the night Eric died-there hadn't been rain in a few weeks. I remember seeing the reflections in the glass of his room while my head was on his chest, listening as his heart slowed down-there was a lightening storm. When we walked outside, the group of us-me, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law, her husband, brother-in-law and my nephew-I remember hearing the crickets and seeing the puddles all over. I asked the valet parking attendent if there had been a storm and he said yes, it just happened out of nowhere...and stopped as quickly as it began. I found comfort in this because I knew it was connected-no rain for weeks and now this?

Whenever there are storms I find myself more comforted than afraid. A particularly cute moment was Orion and Rory-calming Gabrielle down during a storm, explaining how her father felt an affinity for Thor and it was okay and her peeking out the window to watch it. I woke up this morning to the rumble of Thunder and it made me feel calm. This evening is the wake of our friend, who-like Eric-felt an affinity with Thor and I have to believe that the thunderstorm we all woke up to this morning is a sign he will be okay. We take comfort in the strangest of things at time, but this is the best way to live. We have to look for the positive, if we don't-then we doom ourselves to a life of negativity and harden ourselves to the point of feeling nothing.

Whether it is Heaven or Valhalla-may peace be found for those who have left us and hope their happiness lay in the next world.

Itching To Handle Side Effects?

Corny I know, however very true. Most pain medication can do a lot of crazy things to your body while reducing your discomfort. Anyone who is on a steady regiment of narcotic pain medication knows what I am talking about-however for the uninformed some of the more well known side effects of medication include sleepiness, dry mouth, itchy skin and constipation. So below are some tips on how to avoid these side effects if they start affecting your day to day lives. Sleepiness
Probably the most important side effect to overcome, as this one can have the most affect to your life-think about it-sure it's fine if you're taking your medication in the evening, however if you are like most Chronic Pain sufferers, chances are you are taking your medication 2-3 times a day, meaning you will need to be awake during certain points of the day-particularly if you work in an office or need to drive. Obviously when you are starting any new regiment, start it over a period of time where you don't have to go to work, or need to drive, like a long weekend or stay-cation-this way you will be able to know how sleepy your new medication will or won't make you feel. Silly as it may sound, chart it-find the time of day you are sleepiest. In my case-3pm is the magic number. Once you have pegged down your sleepy low point, figure out the best waker-upper for you. A cup of coffee works for me, the 5 Hour Energy drink is one of my friend's choice. Some people taking a 20 minute cat nap-whatever works for you-the need is to find a way to prevent you from wanting to nap at inopportune moments-such as a company meeting, your computer at work, driving.....
Dry Mouth
Hydrate (see itchiness)-it's your best defense, however keep in mind that sugarfree gum in a tangy flavor will help too-the common suggestion is to suck on sugar free candy-there is a great Vitiman C enriched candy from Halls that is specifically for stimulating the salviatory glands, I used this for my father-in-law while he was dealing with Cancer and it was his personal favorite.
Itchiness
I have ezcema, and as a long term sufferer of an inexpicable dermitisis, I thought I knew what itchy was. Then I started taking pain medication. I literally thought I wanted to rip my bones out-it feels THAT awful. My skin felt like it was on fire, crawling with pollen, fiberglass-you name he itchy item, it felt like that. Fortunately since I had been suffering from ezcema for a number of years, this was my expertise. You've read this in a million magazines and a ton of doctors tell you-hydrate. well some people in the real world found out hydrating may also mean that for the first 3 weeks you attempt some sort of extra water intake your body is not used to, you will be living in a bathroom. Seriously. Every 5 minutes. So the real world version is this-anything liquid that isn't innundated with caffieine or excess sugar will hydrate you-this includes soup, milk, herbal teas, water, gaterade-what have you. Sure water is the least caloric, however it also can overwork your kidneys if you aren't used to it. So start off slowly drinking a little extra each day and your body will get used to it. Soap is a no-no. Soap sucks for your skin. There, I wrote it. Cleaning your skin shouldn't include a bunch of suds. Seriously, all those soapy sudsy dealies-they dry out your skin royally. Best bet is to use a milk based wash (it won't suds up a lot) or my personal favorite-Cetaphil-which is this creamy wash that doesn't sud up at all-but cleans your skin properly without damage. You put some on a washcloth, do circular motion, rinse and you ARE clean. Don't feel clean? Then GOOD-you shouldn't, if your skin is properly balanced, you'll feel normal, not tight. And this way your skin doesn't lose any moisture. The feeling takes some getting used to, but trust me, save the soap for your private areas, feet and under your arms. Use something more gentle for everything else. Lotions can help-however some can harm more than help-read labels, if "wool wax" is an ingredient, you're asking for a potential allergic reaction. I have tested quite a few lotions over the years. The most calming include Burt's Bees Milk & Honey, and Baby Bee lotion. They are milk based, and contain honey-so Vegan's may not be into them, however they work like a charm. Cetaphil also has a great, gentle lotion (I SWEAR I do NOT have stock in them, just like the stuff) however for those high pollen days, when you feel like you'd rather tear your skin off than deal with the itchiness-go for Sarna lotion. This menthol based lotion has been around forever-one warning though-when you put it on, be prepared to feel like a human popsicle for about 10 minutes-the Menthol will make your skin chilly feeling. That is a good thing, as it is calming it down that way. wrap up in a robe and snuggle under your covers for 5-10 minutes and you're good. Sarna is awesome for sunburn too by the way. Cooling feeling is a literal deal with this one.
Constipation
No one likes to talk about it, let's face it-excrement isn't exactly an easily approachable conversation. Even commercials for laxatives or fiber supplements refer to it as "being regular". Truth is the chemical makeup of pain medication is it screws with your system, releasing calming chemicals to reduce your pain-which includes slowing down your digestive system. A LOT! Best bets are this-if you are taking your medication like you should, and take extra water with it when you do, and if you eat a normal diet (which nowadays NO ONE does) you'll be fine. Truth is over 75% of pain management patients do not take their medication correctly according to the statistics from Ameritox-a company that screens patients to be sure they are taking their medication like good boys and girls. Also not reading the side effects hurts-so read that-everytime, for all you know a new fact has been discovered by the pharmacutical powers that be have discovered so read it. If you are doing what you are supposed to and you are still "not regular" Prune Juice-gross and icky as that may sound, is the way to go. Not only does it increase the ability for you to have more water be absorbed where it needs to, it stimulates the intestines to move things along. Eat a lot of fiber, beans, etc to accustom your body to a slower system, and water, water, water. Personally I loathe the non-taste of water-who the hell has time to drink so damn much anyway! Well my sister-in-law every morning takes a half of lemon and a half oof orange, suqeezes it lightly into a 32 oz pitcher of water and makes it a goal to empty it by the end of day via drinking it. A former co-worker I knew did the same thing. It keeps you hydrated and believe me, proper hydration will make anyone feel better. So next time your taking your meds, be sure to down them with a nice glass of water and be sure you have read the instructions/warnings packet that comes with your meds and know that if you truly verse yourself on your medication, taking it will be easier. In the immortal words of "School House Rocks"-"Knowlege IS Power!!"

Pain 101-Managing Pain Proper-Finding A Good Pain Management Doctor

I admit when it came to doctors in the past, my intial and only requirement was this-did they take my insurance? I sucked at physicals for myself, my kids I have always been fine, but with myself, I sucked. I never bonded with a doctor since my amazing Pediatrician I had when I was a kid. I came close once with the Ob/Gyn I had in Boston when I had Orion-she rocked and was so supportive-she showed me extreme kindness and prevented my ex from convincing me from making a huge mistake. She cared about me as a person and a patient. I missed being her patient when I moved.

However when it came to my back, it was clear I needed someone who knew what they were doing. I was on Husky and trapped in the throes of clinical healthcare-i.e you walk in at 8AM and pray you see a doctor, end up seeing 6 different resident doctors-in-training who all work under one main doctor-which sucks because all the trainees are excited because something is wrong with you. You get poked, prodded, questioned etc. In the end, about 6 hours later between waiting in a waiting room, waiting in an examination room and talking to several different people, the head doctor will request the trainee make use of their fresh, barely used script pad and newly assigned DEA number to write you out a script for a small amount of pain medication. You are told you get to come back next week to see how it's working and hey kids you get to look forward to wasting another day just so a fresh batch of newbies can ask the next round of questions. Side effect-despite the same doctor overseeing your care-they allow several different doctors write your script. If your on Husky, this translates to them thinking you are doctor shopping as the computer only sees a bunch of different doctors-not realizing they are working at the same location, under the same doctor. Then Husky sends a letter to the doctor saying you have gone to several doctors-they don't include the list of said doctors unless the main doctor requests it-then you get blacklisted until it's cleared up.

Fortunately Dr. K took Husky. So I was recommended to her. Her first order of business-contacting Husky for a list of doctors-the second she saw the names and addresses, she contacts Husky to point out that didn't they realize all the doctors were in the same place, and would they kindly rectify their accusation as I was simply going to a regular clinic-oh and send every person they had been sure to send a letter to about my supposed doctor shopping a letter to recitify the error. Okay-that won my trust. I figured a doctor willing to do that was worth my time.

The biggest error the prior clinic had done was due to a misplaced check mark. Dr. K ordered a series of X-Rays to take a look at my back. She saw something was there, but according to my paperwork, an MRI had been done and come out normal, so why do an MRI? Except for one problem. I never had an MRI. Which we discovered 3 years later when my doctor was frustrated that I was responding to therapy and medication but couldn't figure out the cause "I mean your MRI was normal!" my response "Umm, I've never had an MRI". Bingo. I get an MRI (by this point I was on regular insurance mind you).

I remember getting the call from the office-I was visiting family in Florida. They wanted me in the office ASAP. I explain I am in Florida. They schedule me for the day after I come home. I sat waiting for the doctor, worried on what they could have found. The doctor walks in. "Relax, you'll be okay" she starts "your MRI results....well, short version, if anyway ever again tries to tell you that this is in your head, yell at them". She proceeded to read out what was wrong with my back and I was stunned. Mind you for years I had been told this was in my head, I was "being dramatic", "making it up"-now here was someone telling me the opposite.

Some doctors forget why they are doctors. They get jaded, distant-part of this is a defense mechanism. Some doctors overcome this and retain their ability to care-like my Pain Management doctor. They don't zoom you out of appointments, they take time to know who you are. Finding a good pain doctor is a good start when dealing with something like this. Your pain is probably not going anywhere for a while. So you and your doctor will be involved for awhile, so take care choosing them-it can make all the difference in the world.

Living In The World Of Chronic Pain

For those who don't know me in real life, I am physically handicapped. I even have that cute placard that goes on my rearview mirror so that I can park in the designated spaces in parking lots. The inury was caused by an unfortunate incident back in 1998-short version, it took less than 5 seconds to change my body capabilities from a young woman of 24 who once was able to execute perfect cartwheels, walk on her hands, loved diving, biking, full of energy and could do this cool trick where I could wrap one leg around my neck while standing perfectly straight to someone who started out with spasmic pain in her lower back slowly progressing into a woman who needs a cane to walk, has moments where she loses sensation in her legs causing them to fall out from under me and has actually lost jobs because of her condition-although that is never actually said when it happens, I know it's the reason.
I am one of the large percentage of Americans living with and dealing with Chronic Pain. I get looks for the medication I take, judged on it too. I have been told it is in my head, despite having an MRI that displays the damage-which includes my S-1 completely crushed to the point of nearly being bone on bone, my S-2/3 herniated and protruding out to the right, my S-4 herniated, protruding and dangling down to the left side and my S-5 herniated, protruding and wrapped around the column, causing it to hit various nerves with almost no warning. My surrounding lumbar muscles are stiff as bone from overworking to support my decrepit back. I wake up every morning reminded that I will not have proper feeling in my legs for a few hours, use my cane and barely keep up with my frisky teenage boy, almost teenage girl and sassy 9 year old girl. I live with pain, it surrounds my life, however I refuse to be a slave to it.
So I have decided to write about it. I know pain, I know how it discriminates me from a normal life and I know, without a doubt I am not alone in this. There is more to it than medication and doctor appointments and I would like to bring those issues to light, so I will.

Some details-you know my injury-I am an almost 38 year old married mother of three children and three must be a theme to my life-I have three children, I have married three times and I am one of three children. I have my older two children from my first husband, my youngest from my second husband-it was after her birth when the massive injuries were discovered-so no more babies for me-although my husband and I would probably make a damn adorable baby. I am currently unemployed-possibly due to my physical issues. My goal with this blog is to share my experiences in the Handicapped world, inform people of options for the uninsured and provide people like me with proof that it isn't in their head, but that being Handicapped shouldn't stop our lives or put our worlds on hold due to pain.