Medium...Rare & Bloody Thank You Very Much

My husband is fascinated with Theresa Caputo-a.k.a “The Long Island Medium”, so when the new episodes air every season, I end up watching. I have severe mixed feelings on what she does and I will explain why. First I shall preface this by the fact that I do believe in the existence of people seeing spirits and that those spirits send messages. I myself used to see a lot of things as a child, however after my mother’s (understandably) nervous reaction after I saw my Grandmother (who died the year before I was born) attending the funeral of her beloved and good friend Irene (incidentally-Irene was my father’s Godmother) I guess you can say I “turned it off”. I really wish I hadn’t, although to this day I can sense presences and have learned to live with it-I never developed my latent ability and have accepted this. I was once told by a Medium that for her-it was like being in a room watching a bunch of people (in this case-spirits) screaming for my attention and yet I ignore them. I don’t do so out of disrespect but rather a mental block. I did see a lot when Eric was sick and dying-as death lowers the resistance between our world and the next-of course residing in a haunted house for 3 years with someone breaking that barrier wasn’t easy either. It’s not that I fear spirits in general, what I fear is something evil in the mix-and I deal with enough evil that I don’t want to deal with more-especially the disembodied potentially demonic type. So I am a believer. However I will freely admit that I do get annoyed with Caputo’s insistence on seeking random people out and announcing the messages on camera. We get it. You are a Medium. You communicate with the dead. That doesn’t mean you have to find every person who has lost a loved one and make them feel awkward by discussing their messages on TV. One of my friends who is Jehovah Witness (and therefore she doesn’t believe in spirit communication) was two steps from smacking someone who probably meant well sending a message to her mother that was allegedly from her late Grandmother. Her discussion upset the mom. I am willing to bet for every poignant (and heavily edited) scene we see there are thousands of “screw you lady” moments. However, there are some answers I wish I knew. I know I followed Eric’s wishes to the letter-well-almost to the letter-I didn’t follow through on one, but I think that was he slipped in as a sort of in joke on me. I will find out eventually. I know he’s here though. Call me batty and crazy but there are times I know, without a doubt that Eric is near me. I don’t think he’s mad I remarried. I know he’s glad Gabby remembers him. He died twice in his lifetime before dying for the third and final time. Gabby insists her father has told her in her dreams (where she often speaks with him) he decided to stop fighting death so long God would assure Gabby had a normal heart. All I know is Gabby has no genetic tracers so either Eric got HTCM via a virus, or Gabby won the genetic lottery of the century. “Look for something funny” we were in the elevator on the way to his surgery. I asked him if he didn’t survive the surgery, how would I know he was okay and that was his answer-two seconds later Joey-his nephew (6 years his junior and more of a brother) slipped into the elevator-the doctors never argued. So every day I look for something funny and I know he’s okay. One day maybe a Medium will find me and tell me what I know already-who knows. Some people wonder if I felt cheated, but I take the more optimistic bend that I was, in fact, blessed because I got the time I got with him rather than none at all and of course his legacy, Gabby.

Up From The Ashes.............

I have taken a very long sabbatical from writing my blog, however I am at the point where I realize my writing was something missing from my life and I need to make more of a habit of doing it-I find it an expression and also theraputic. Where have I been? Well unemployed since June 2010, although I entered the world of temporary employment this past summer at one of my old jobs who kindly took me on for their busy season-which did two things-allowed me to work again and made me realize I really miss what I used to do and I want to get back into it. I am married to Mark, something I never thought I would do again-I feel like Ross Geller from "Friends" the "3rd Marriage" thing but my marriage to Mark made me realize a few things-which are-in no particular order: -like Maude in "Harold & Maude", to fall in love is a wonderful thing, but if you lose your love-honor their memory-then go and love some more -certain things are worth the risk -my children want me happy -Eric may have left this world, but when I feel the need to want to speak to him or think about him, I feel him near and it comforts me -Karma exists, but she has this on-going relationship with patience -my husband, Mark, loves me-despite my faults and eccentricities -however I also know I will never be a Yankee fan (but he still loves me so that's cool -sex when your older is fantastic-like wine it improves with age -representing yourself in court IS possible and finally one of the most important things I have learned: I may be handicapped, but I am not helpless I am going to be taking risks, some emotional, some professional and I realize that I don't need to fear rejection. It's never personal. I am reminded by an action figure Stacey gave me "The Bride" -which she gave me because I also get back up, restructure and survive. I beat amazing odds, didn't give up and got back custody of my children, my next battle for the child support may be hard but I am doing it and doing it full on. I have also learned that help is there when you ask for it-I have a dentist willing to fix my teeth, my back doctor searching for someone to fix my back and things aren't as bad as they seem. I have good friends and I am remaining true to who I am inside. I have a plan for 10 years from now, I just need to tend to the next 10 years. My victory is that despite the odds and the craziness, my kids love me and nothing anyone does can change that. Into the fray-things need to be done and I am doing them